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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29138187">In Your Hands</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaTempest/pseuds/SeaTempest'>SeaTempest</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, also all four friends are pregnant at the same time!fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:33:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,604</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29138187</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaTempest/pseuds/SeaTempest</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Her hand touched the dry paint and she held her breath for a moment. What was in her confession that made him think of the worst part of their lives?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sai/Yamanaka Ino</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In Your Hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Her fingers drummed on the table, brows furrowed and eyes fixed on the half-full sake cup. She grabbed it sharply and this time it wasn't a small sip, it was a gulp, and the stinging alcohol made her squint. Unfortunately, she wasn't alone and her quick experiment didn't go unnoticed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey!" Sakura yelled at her, taking the cup away and placing it on the other side of the table. "What the hell, Ino?! You know you shouldn't drink all too much of that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Isn't that </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>choice, huh?" Ino growled at her, reaching for her sake, but Temari didn't let her, pulling the cup away with a raise of her brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata, on the other side, was looking at her with general curiosity. The four of them sat together inside Amaguirama's, wearing their coziest clothes and discussing the upcoming holidays, all the presents they had to buy and all the food they had to arrange. The plan was to get all families together one of those days. A shinobi party at its greatest. It was supposed to be joyful and festive, now more than ever, because all three of her friends were just as pregnant as she was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They managed to synchronize, more or less… Hinata and Temari, who were in their third trimester, were quite ahead of Sakura, who just stepped into her second and herself, at the end of the first. She had never seen anything quite like the chaos they created whenever the four of them got together. The noise, the excitement, and all those stupid, small things that made them emotional. It was absolutely ridiculous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She has been emotional for most of her life and she thought she knew what to expect, and she generally did well. She did great, actually. Until the day she had to break the news to her husband, a few weeks ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino fought tears every day and it just became worse whenever she wasn't around him. It was pathetic and she didn't know why she got so upset about it, but… she guessed it's a pregnancy thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What's wrong with you? You'll harm the baby," Sakura scolded, her viridian eyes scanning her friend up and down as she snapped back at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not like I care."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata gasped quietly and the other two sank in awkward silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't you want a healthy baby?" Temari pouted at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't want any baby, I wish it never happened," Ino muttered, feeling a lump rising in her throat. Maybe she had to go home already, she was tired of all this hysteria around the holidays.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakura was full of concern by the time Ino put out some money on the table to pay for her drink and stood up, intending to leave. Temari didn't let her, though, grabbing her by the wrist just in time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ino, in case you've forgotten, we're your friends and we'd very much like you to trust us," Sakura explained quietly, hands in mid-motion as to gesture to her to stop what she was doing. "Please stay."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino puffed, looking around the café, fed up with her friends' mellow behavior. Drivelling like this didn't make anything better anyway. She carefully examined the three women's young faces and with a scowl, removed Temari's hand from her wrist, flinging back down with an angered </span>
  <em>
    <span>Whatever. </span>
  </em>
  <span>under her breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I thought you're in a bad mood or something these days, but it seems there's something you’re not telling us." Temari folded hands. "Come on. Spit it out."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino didn't dare look up at them, turquoise eyes sinking in a momentary melancholy. There was something, something in his eyes that hurt her in a particularly bad way, and she couldn't explain to herself what it was in the beginning. Then it seemed to her like the answer's been there all along. And still, she couldn't tell for sure…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can I ask you something?" she sighed, finally looking up to her friends. "All of you." They nodded, in utter confusion, and it made her smile a little. She nervously passed her fingers through the golden locks of her long hair. "How did your husbands react to… you know?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cried," Temari answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cried," Hinata followed her quickly after.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cried a lot." Sakura finished and all eyes were on her for a moment. She blushed and after a breathy laugh shrugged. "Um… Uchiha? Obsessed with starting wars </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> having babies." Her company laughed at her uplifted tone and then she blinked, focused on Ino. "Why?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino swallowed, her eyes slightly glazing over. Her voice was distant and quiet when she spoke, "I figured." Her thoughts drifted off a little, thinking how Sakura had grown so much more used to Sasuke than she was, the way she talked about him was different. It intrigued her that of all four of them Sakura had changed the most. Temari was the one who changed Shikamaru, in their case, and it was a truly incorrigible case. Hinata was still fainting when Naruto looked at her for more than a few seconds, she didn't even know how those two got through their honeymoon without visiting a hospital every day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then… herself. And her moods. And Sai. And his peculiarities. There wasn't a day in their lives that wasn't interesting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How did yours react?" Temari inquired, with a slightly intimidating tint to her voice, like she was mentally preparing to fist-fight Sai after this conversation. Ino didn't blame her, she came from a rough village. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And </span>
  </em>
  <span>her mom died young so she was left with her idiotic brothers and dad. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That </span>
  </em>
  <span>must've been great.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh, well…" Ino chuckled, trying to discard this crawling sadness that slowly took over her. "You know, the usual."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ino," Sakura warned, demanding the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I feel like</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>" Ino's voice broke off a little and she paused, leaning her head on her palm. "He just stared at me. Without moving. I could swear he didn't like what I said. At all."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This cannot be true," Sakura was astonished, lips apart. "You are imagining things."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, I'm not," Ino laughed, putting her palm on the wooden surface, with her intonation going up. "I know Sai. He still doesn't act all human, but I know when he's happy. He wasn't happy when I told him," all those words Ino breathed out rapidly and when she realized her friends listened to her closely, she stopped. Her head shook with the reassurance of her opinion on the matter. "I don't know what happened. I only know I am the reason."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Was he… ok with our…?" Temari started, but Ino finished, saving her the inconvenience.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Insane collective pregnancy stipulation? Look," Ino sighed. "Sai is fine with whatever I want or like. You could imagine he was fine with sleeping with me more than he gets to. He wasn't unhappy </span>
  <em>
    <span>then."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata chuckled at her remark, hiding her laughter behind her palm and visibly blushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, you think your husband is a lewd?" Ino pointed at her. "Try mine. Actually, don't. None of you can handle the weirdness."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Trust me. I've seen it all," Temari intervened, with an expression of thoughtfulness and the rest laughed out loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino glanced at Sakura with the corner of her eye, noticing the taint of sadness and reverence in her gaze as she smiled to herself. Ino brushed her shoulder against hers and Sakura startled, turning crimson in the process.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"W-what?" She stuttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino squinted. "Will we all pretend to not be interested in what Sasuke does when he doesn't want to kill someone? Did you hand-fight every night when you traveled together or something?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakura was already scandalized by Ino's suggestion, but her redness deepened even more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not at all. And it's none of your business."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come on," this time it was Temari, with a laugh. "We're curious."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We were just talking about Ino here!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, I'm done," Ino interjected, feeling a sting of pain when the subject suddenly returned to her. "That was all I had to say."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, Sai didn't say or do anything, huh?" Temari pondered. "That's kinda weird. Even for him."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino looked at her, the words at the tip of her tongue threatening to come out, but something stopped her. She couldn't tell them the truth, not the whole truth anyway. It felt like she physically couldn't and she just had to keep that somewhere deep and not share it with anyone. It was equally deeply intimate and hurtful at the same time. So her hesitation didn't last long and she waved with a hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing. He just looked at me for a while, then moved on to his other things," Ino shrugged. "And everything else is fine, our days are just the same," she paused, looking at Hinata, then at Sakura, "Maybe I'm really imagining things. And I don't know why I had expected any kind of reaction from him whatsoever. Like I don't know the guy."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I-I am convinced that he's happy but he just doesn't show it like the rest," Hinata gave Ino a little smile. "You shouldn't worry, Ino."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I don't see why he wouldn't be happy about something like this," Temari huffed. "Dude's really a weirdo sometimes. No offense."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"None taken. Anyway," Ino concluded, her icy gaze fixing on Sakura once again, who was seemingly deep in thought, "Now, don't think you can change the subject and avoid answering the questions."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Huh? What questions?" Sakura asked, absent-mindedly, reaching for the cup of tea in front of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, at least fill us in on </span>
  <em>
    <span>something.</span>
  </em>
  <span> That whole trip remained a freaking mystery and you suddenly came back pregnant and all. Plus, you tell us you'll be going away with him again after the holidays," Ino clapped her hand on the table impatiently. "Any kinks?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"N-no!" Sakura was red in the face, answering Ino's pressing interrogation. Her fingers surrounded the cup uncomfortably. "He's very, um…" she trembled whole with a nervous laugh, looking up to her friends cheerfully. "Not violent."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Seriously?" Temari scoffed. "Didn't strike me as not violent in the past decade."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He is. Very calm and very quiet," Sakura assured them, with a timid smile. "Mostly romantic."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino rolled her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Boring."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino stayed with her friends for a while, but it was getting late and she was daydreaming about her soft and warm bed already so she excused herself at one time and left them to continue with the lively chatter. It was a chilly day, with all that icy rain situation in the last two days, and she wanted to go home before it got freezing cold. With one last wave of goodbye, she found herself outside, on an already quieter Konoha street, with very few people out at this hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nipping air stung at her bare skin and she wrapped herself in her warm scarf, hurrying down the road at a quick pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Sai, I just wanted t-to tell you…. I'm, uh, pregnant."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The words echoed in her mind as her low heels clicked together on the wet pavement. She stopped sharply in front of a small puddle of water, reflecting her form on the light of the nearest street lamp. Her eyes shimmered with cold beauty as she peered down at her perfect reflection for a second. Then she surrounded it and went on her way, but much slower. The memory came to her again.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>She never understood why people waited for the right timing, the day she knew for sure was the day she went home and burst into the living room, with the full intentions to tell him. But her courage evaporated a little when she found herself in the same room as him. It was a little frustrating, that's why she stuttered. She never stuttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He faced her, his usually blank eyes staring right at her in perfect silence. Then that tic, when they almost blink with something of a spasm, a convulsion that he had developed whenever something hurt him. Because the lifelessness of his hollow features couldn't produce anything else, she had learned to notice the smallest things in his body language. It was just that now she regretted being able to read him through. He was far from pleased… in fact, he was saddened, somewhat hurt? Why was he hurt? She couldn't understand at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hands enveloped her form and she swallowed, feeling like saving him this information would've been better for them both somehow. He wasn't happy and it made her anxious. So, what now? She never imagined such a scenario before. Husbands were always happy, right? She's never heard of other reactions. Maybe some got angry or-or disappointed. That was understandable too. But… hurt?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The silence was so thick that she couldn't even hear him breathe. He was like marble, pale and still and silent, and she wondered what of that information made him act as she had physically slapped him. He agreed on the pregnancy plan their circle of friends shared, as far as she could tell. It was all nice when they tried to execute it too. They both enjoyed it. Right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you alright, Sai?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her careful voice broke his static pose and he startled, putting on a wide smile. His feet dragged him to her right away and he hugged her with voiced congratulations and gratitude. Altered, premeditated words. She returned the hug, but it was like knives in her heart because that smile was not genuine and those words were perfectly mechanical.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something bothered him, but he hid it. He rarely hid things from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he backed away, he reassured her how happy he is and then told her he has to go out to buy some food. She nodded and… he left, still smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a long day for her, she couldn't stay at home because she took care of the shop and had many customers. Sai's expression never left her mind and as much as she loved him, she could never imagine feeling as hurt herself at the thought of his reaction. She wanted to know his reasons and was determined to speak with him about it that night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sai wasn't at home when she got back. She ate dinner alone, showered, and put on her oversized t-shirt, lying down on her bed with a heavy heart. If she only knew what he was thinking about… The struggles she went through, to reach him and understand his sense of the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fathomless pit of patience and forgiveness and care. And she loved him purely, because of the simplicity of his affection. He was like an original human, whose emotions weren't molded by anything. And he adored her, not like other men did, somehow limited in their learned behavior and limited instinct; he adored her atypically and outworldly, like she was a divine creature and he was the only one of his kind who recognized her true form. They both knew they could create something extraordinary together and they did. So why wasn't he happy?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She decided she's too tired to go over it now and relaxed on the pillow. It was still very early but she was tired enough to fall asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shuffling noise woke her up a few hours later and she opened her eyes to a still dark bedroom. It was sometime around midnight, she thought, because it was pitch dark and drizzling outside again. She stood in the bed for a while, listening to the calming sounds of a palette knife sliding across a canvas. It was not the first time he suddenly got obsessed with an idea and painted during all the dark hours of the night, and she thanked all gods his hobby didn't involve some kind of noise or music, and she could sleep in peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino got up and slowly made her way outside the bedroom to where the faint light came from. The small room at the end of the corridor was supposed to be his 'office' and she let him have it (because the apartment was hers)(and so was the shop below).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The little lamp sat on top of a couple of never-read tomes and lit up the whole space with a warm light. Ino stopped at the threshold at first, quietly observing Sai as he furrowed at the variety of grey-colored tubes in his hands. He hadn't changed and to her inconvenience, his fairly formal clothes were now stained with dark spots all over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The paintings around him, she eyed them all evanescently, and her heart spasmed wistfully. Those were sad paintings. Dark, lonely sceneries. Then she shifted silently on the high stool close to the door and sat, with her back leaning on the wall. His thumb traced a beautiful curve on the white canvas and she tilted her head, brows together. It was somber again and it worried her awfully much. Curious enough, if he used ink, which was painfully black, then it was fine. If he had chosen distemper, which was a lot softer, something was going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino would usually hate to interrupt the flowing, absent state she'd find him in when he painted, with his sleeves up high and constantly furrowing, and would sit and watch him for hours, but now she wanted to know what happened in his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sai?" she whispered, to not scare him too much, and he turned around with surprise. His lusterless black eyes ran down her form and her worry slightly discarded. She knew that look… but her lips still moved on their own. "You know we don't have to keep it… we don't have to do anything. I only want you to be</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sai had crossed the space, silencing her with a harsh kiss, his tongue invading her mouth with no warning whatsoever. His fingers brushed her hair away and for a moment she thought of all the paint she'd have to wash away, but then it was fine. (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Well, almost.)</span>
  </em>
  <span> He was out of his mind and she had always loved it. Never boring and never predictable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His touching was perfectly reasonable and all his motions perfectly alright. But it burned her inside to know why. Why did he treat her the same way he treated his art? He rarely painted with his fingers, it was something extremely intimate to behold. Art was what gave meaning to his existence and she knew painting was not just a whim, just like she knew the clench of his body against her now wasn't. It was different.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something changed, subtly, but because he still hadn't learned how to attack directly when it came to verbal communication, likely out of fear, because telling the direct truth a while ago brought down hate on him he didn't want. Now, he surrounded the problem. All this darkness he painted, all this madness he poured onto her skin, it began with her single sentence. She wished she had never spoken this morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino loved when he shuddered at her loud reactions as his hands stripped her shirt and roamed her exposed skin. Her body was a complete mess again, with her head thrown back against the wall, her back arched along his body, and her legs wrapped around his waist, almost benumbed at the constant heatwaves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sai had seemingly constructed a new way to drive her insane, apart from that expensive shirt she bought to him only to see it delightfully ruined thanks to oily paint and her harpy nails. He had pushed away the stool, pressing her against the coldness of the wall, gripping at her hip and waist effortlessly. She always silently thanked him for brushing away her long hair so that she doesn't suffocate, trying to take a breath in-between the frenzied kissing they exchanged. He continued, carving half-choked sounds from her at every thrust and her thoughts muddled for a minute, trying to get a hold of the quickly coming high, the intense stabs of pleasure that stormed her body when it hit finally her and the subsequent contracting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she fought for breath, moaning loudly against his ear, she felt his balance slightly falter and she wasn't sure if it was her voice, assaulting his very unhealthily high-standing pride (she was ashamed to admit to her common sense that he made her scream a lot) or the pulsing heat she emanated, shivering in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You are sad.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino exhaled and inhaled in sips, her fingers sliding up to sift her fingers through his dark hair just as he quietly groaned against her neck, shaking into his next thrust.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why are you so sad?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His fingers dug deep into the softer skin on her hip, driving his whole body against hers with his own high and his breath stumbled in her hair. His hold on her suddenly loosened and she quickly found his out-of-focus eyes, her nails squeezing his shoulders, "Hey! Don't faint on me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She figured white-skinned people were highly anemic, but Sai… he and high-intensive activities didn't usually go along in the first place. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span> one in particular was even worse, with all that blood pressure going on. He sure was adventurous for someone who couldn't handle sex, though. It was left for her to calculate in percentages how much of all that she found funny, how much of it was worrisome, and how much of it was downright attractive. As she thought about it, there was something very sexy about her being the reason he lost consciousness all the time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino couldn’t help the stumble of a half-laugh from her mouth anyhow, "We should go to the bed."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinked in an attempt to refocus, slowly backing away from the wall and letting her feet touch the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You need to sleep. I need to sleep. Let's go," Ino murmured, looking up to him with a smile. "You can paint tomorrow."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, I</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bed," she cut him off, using the moment he was still dizzy and light-headed. "Now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave up on fighting, leaving her to turn the lights off and drag him out of the room by the hand. She took the time to remove what was left of his clothes while he silently stared at her with his half-scary, half-cute pointed expression, like all the positive charge he had planned to channel into drawing was now stolen by her and he was simultaneously mad at her for diverting it and at the purest wonder as to how he would end up drawing at all if she was moving around looking like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew he regarded her beauty in many ways, it was not a surprise. He was not the first one to reassure her she was beautiful. But no one made it quite so primal, no one ever had that magnetic and consuming air about them as Sai did. Sai always looked at her like he had been starving to look at her. The thought made her blush, but thankfully, it was dark in the bedroom.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>She probably had to wash that paint off her hair before falling asleep, but she didn't care about it that day. They laid down and she sighed contentedly at the warmth he exuded when she spooned him, glad that she had him within her reach at least physically. Mentally, though, she had no idea. Not that night, not the next one, not even this one, weeks ahead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her heels echoed with a lonely sound as she walked to her apartment and hoped this was all a bad joke of her mind, a trick of her imagination. It was her fault for not facing Sai on the matter and avoiding the subject for weeks, but she was afraid to hear the truth. So she ignored this whole scene and carried on. They both did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino woke up late the morning after her late crazy-friend-rendezvous and found Sai's note on her bedside cabinet, it said that he's made breakfast and he's going to the flower shop because she has to rest now. It brought a smile to her lips, but she wasn't completely convinced. Sai could be an extremely good actor whenever he decided to and she still wasn't sure what's wrong. It gnawed at her. Even though she promised to herself to drop it, so many times.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How could she drop it when she saw the memory of his pained eyes every day as if she saw them just a minute ago?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino got up from the bed and put on her wrapper, both hands putting locks of her hair behind her ears as she dashed into the bathroom. The mirror called her and she looked back like she did every morning, and saw a thousand questions written on her feminine features. Her eyes glimmered with pale brilliance and the reflection satisfied her, but her thoughts didn't.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew what he did that night, it took her a while to understand. Pouncing on her ferociously, clashing her against the wall so that she would remain fully enraptured and fully blind to the important bit. The essential bit that hid the answers to all her questions. Whatever it was, it was in that room, and that's why he distracted her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>These paintings… abyssal, ghastly forms and cold, stony faces.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It scared her. She didn't want to lose him to some stupid baby. If that's what made his mind turn away from her warmth, she would do… anything. To keep him sane. If…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino shook her head and reminded herself she needn't worry so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She spent the morning squandering her time with breakfast and taking care of some housework. It wasn't a favorite activity, especially when she felt heavier by the day now, but it kept her distracted. When everything was done, she remembered that she promised her three friends to try and find some winter decorations for their upcoming party.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Last night she promised them to look in her lumber-room as she has a feeling there might've been some white snowflakes handmade from her mother and tossed away after her father died. It was a shame to let them collect dust and it was surely going to be helpful. Sakura already provided way too much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino walked through the corridor and her steps died out when she reached the door to Sai's atelier, hesitating whether to enter for a second. She had searched her answer multiple times in there, but never found it. His reaction just didn't make sense then, didn't make sense now as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she slightly pushed the door and stepped in. The morning light fell right inside the room, gilding everything it touched. Most paintings were put down and lay scattered across the room, but one remained upon the canvas and it struck her with its solemn beauty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her breath shimmered as she suddenly recognized a familiar curve. It was the same painting from weeks ago. He had finished it and now it stood on show. Ino slowly neared it, her blue eyes skimming over the surface. Whatever he thought about, it was inside this image, but she couldn't understand; she only sensed the emotion, she only sensed the dread.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A strong, negative emotion that she thought they left behind. A black waste of sorrow and a white, endless blankness. It was reminiscent of a battlefield, the one they both saw two years ago. Head slightly tilting, she forced herself to think further on the subject, even though she had buried it long ago. Her hand touched the dry paint and she held her breath. What was in her confession that made him think of the worst part of their lives?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes shifted and her eye caught the small collection of books behind the easel, not because they were especially interesting, but because the way they were neatly ordered contrasted to the whole chaos in the rest of the room. Ino surrounded the easel and took a minute to stare at the titles. Familiar titles. Titles she never noticed the last times she came in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A bad feeling started to pool in her stomach as she reached out for the innermost book and pulled it from the shelf. The flamboyant cover almost brought her nausea. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Understanding People's Feelings! </span>
  </em>
  <span>She forgot about those, she forgot about them completely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ino's fingers were shaking a little when she carefully opened the book to the perfectly ordered table of contents, where her eyes started reading with horror the cluster of painful, ridiculous pieces of advice. Most of those she had heard of, Sai was sweet enough to try and force them in-between them with no success in the beginning. Most of those were funny. But now… the more she read, the blurrier her eyes got.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Beautiful?" Sai's voice reached her ears from the other side of the house. For a split second, something electric went through her, tingling the back of her mind. He still called her that, even though she was getting rounder and fatter every day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her lips were apart by the time she reached the book's formal display with hundreds and hundreds of examples of relationships that painfully break after… a baby. Advice on how to face the inevitability of this rupture. The door creaked a little and she turned around sharply, finding Sai visibly disturbed at the sight of her with that book in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lump in her throat prevented her from speaking so she just looked back at him with anticipation. She didn't praise herself for great emotional control so seeing him come near, take the book from her hands, and put it back to its place, with the calmest motions, was all she needed to let the tears fall down her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he turned around, to face her, and his eyes traced her tears silently. His brows were a little furrowed at the sight like he didn't quite approve of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You think I'd just give up on you after this baby? Like you're useless or something?" Ino gritted teeth, feeling the anger simmer inside her chest. "What kind of a bitch would do that, huh? Is that what you think of me? You think I'm like one of those," she waved at the books in her fit of rage, her voice hitching sensibly, "Well, thank you for that. I never felt like I was enough for you anyway."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her loud voice remained ringing out in the silence and she was about to walk away dramatically. She wanted to. Burning to. But then she saw him crying as well and it went through her like a physical blow. Her eyes widened and she immediately regretted yelling at him, her mind going through everything that happened at a quick pace. It was such an interesting view, Sai never changed a muscle in his previous expression and it seemed like he wasn't even aware of the tears, continuing to disapprove of her passionate fit. It made her heart clench to see him like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am never going to get anything better than this. If you won't have me, no one will," he said, simply, and it made her tearful all over again. "I only wanted to prepare myself."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know," Ino whispered, stepping to him with an emotional tumble to her words. She could only go on by whispering, "Oh god, you are killing me, Sai. Every time... every time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The painting, now she understood. She saw the loneliness and the darkness he was preparing to meet again without her. The place, that deep, deep place in his consciousness where she found him once, he was preparing to go there again, and the thought erased all her anger because she didn't want him to go into that shell ever again. He had so much to offer and he loved uniquely. He didn't even know how precious he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am in your hands."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know, Sai. I'd never leave you behind. I'm so sorry you felt like that," Ino held him tight, making calming motions on his back. "You know I'd never leave you. This baby is just the proof of that, it will never be a reason for me to turn against you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her quiet words seemed to calm him down and they stood like that for a while. Ino had closed her eyes, her only thought now being how she literally had to take care of two babies from now on. She had to get used to that. Sai had really mastered the physical love-making thing, she could give him that, but when it came to emotions, she had better hopes for this upcoming child. And if it turned out like him, she'd just laugh out loud for the rest of her life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened her eyes, biting at her lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sai?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hm?" he backed away, to get a look at her face as she wiped her tears with the sleeve of her wrapper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I just wanted to tell you that I went to the hospital yesterday, at the ultrasound… you'll have a son," she chuckled hollowly, then quickly adding, "In case you were wondering."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sai was completely awestruck for a moment, then he hugged her again, a little too forcibly. Now, one thing Ino praised herself for, apart from her beauty, was how smart she was. And hiding from her didn't work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you happy, dear?" she patted him on the back, taking a breath. That was some intense pregnancy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know, I need to check my books again," Sai murmured in her hair and she burst out laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We are so getting rid of those."</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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